I dropped off the face of planet Substack. I wrote the stories, paid for the domain name, and felt like I had finally committed to a hobby. But my ADHD had other ideas. After writing a few thousand words, I convinced myself I should start writing fiction. So I started writing short stories. Then I had a book idea. I wrote about ten thousand words about alien and human university students falling in love. This is it, I thought. I finally have a real hobby.
But my commitment to writing a science fiction romance faded as quickly as it built. I stopped sitting in front of my laptop punching keys. I cancelled the classes with my writing coach. My focus switched to another shiny thing. I started obsessing over the gym and eating enough protein. A new hyperfixation had entered my brain.
The difference between picking up writing and focussing on the gym was that I had already been consistently going to the gym for the past year. This time I wasn’t picking up a new hobby, I was just getting more intense about it. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t cost me money. For me, a hyperfixation always involves purchase induced dopamine.
I bought protein products, creatine, a walking pad, and a second gym membership. A second gym membership sounds excessive. But my usual gym only does classes with limited times for open gym. And the new gym was only $6 a week. It sounded logical at the time. I couldn’t see the long term hobby from the hyperfixation.
It’s a frustating pattern — chasing the perfect hobby only for it to fizzle. But I don’t ever wish I was neurotypical. There’s certain magic to becoming completely obsessed with a new pastime. Hyperfixations have led to me starting comedy, starting a band and bonding with my dog over obedience training. I’ve met new people, learnt more about myself and had a great time.
I do also wish I could be a master of something rather than a jack of all random hobbies. I wonder how good my Spanish would be if I hadn’t quit. Maybe it would have been nice if my dog went up a grade at obedience class. Can I have one consistent hobby AND some small scale hyperfixations?
How do neurotypicals do it? How do they pick a hobby or two to stick to without overdoing it? How do they stop themselves from having a brainwave and putting in Amazon orders for everything they need to make it happen? I’m going to try and figure it out.
And that means I’m coming back to Substack. I’m going to try writing consistently, even if I’m not feeling the wave of ADHD induced obsession. I’m going to water seeds in a creative garden and hoping it sprouts into an achievable outlet I can stick to, rather than a graveyard of ideas.